Support

Only Brady can still be giving to others after death. In his death he has brought me great friends that love and support me. I have felt the love from so many in the last few days that it is the only thing carrying me through. I know Brady would want me happy. I am so thankful that I was able to spend some time with him in Washington when we were both out there and that I made sure to tell him that he was loved and how much I cared for him and constantly thought of him and wanted him to be happy. That gives me a sense of comfort. 

I tried my best to focus on trying to move forward for Brady. I started small just by getting in the shower and making myself presentable. I tried to turn my attention to my work and thought I could get lost in it but it just feels wrong. I feel like I do not have a right to try and be happy. This hurts. Its going to hurt for a long time. When is it the right time to start taking steps forward. I know Brady would not want any of us to be sad for him. I feel that he is in a better a place but its still so hard to be left behind. 

I tried to distract myself with work and putting up a website but it didnt last long. The sorrow sank in again. I miss my little brother. I want to be able to pick up the phone and call him. The funeral is now scheduled for Friday and I am freaking out. I can't see him that will make all of this final. 

I have 3 days to pull myself together and be able to be strong for him. He deserves that. I have to be strong for Brady. 

So heres to today...to showering being a success, to attempting to move forward, to trying to pull myself together and to putting Brady first. Thankful for the love and prayers of others for me and my family.