Strong enough for school

Tomorrow is the funeral and I in no way feel prepared. I knew that I needed to start trying to move forward and going to school would be the first step. Luckily I have a sweet friend in my first 2 classes that just brightens up my day. She is so incredibly thoughtful and brought me flowers and is just so compassionate. I love her too death. She understood what I needed without me telling her and she helped me through the first part of the day. 

When I went to my 3rd class things got harder. I had a break and I started to dwell on what I would feel like tomorrow and if I would I would have the strength I needed to honor him. I felt myself breaking down and left class early. I came home and the house was empty which gave me a chance to grieve. I justified it by feeling its what I needed to get it out of my system so I can stand in front of everyone tomorrow and smile and share all of my wonderful memories. 

The truth is I don't know if I can make it through tomorrow. If I see him lying there lifeless I don't know if I can live through that. How am I supposed to act like everything is ok? This has tested my faith and I don't know if I have the strength I need to do right by him tomorrow. Once I finally calmed down enough to realize I needed to get over it because its not about me its about him I broke down again in my closet. I want to make sure that I wear the perfect outfit to honor him. What would he like? What shows him I love him and am proud of him and will miss him? Right now I am mourning him. I want him back. I am praying for the strength I need to make it through tomorrow and honor Brady the way he deserves. 

So heres to today...to good friends and to Brady continually being there for me when I need him. Thankful for today.