Heartbreak

This morning my day started off exhausting. I went to a math review and couldn't concentrate. After the 3 hour review I felt hopeless and went straight to the BYU testing center and stared blankly at my test. I failed needless to say. Something was off. I was supposed to go to lunch with Brittany and she had to cancel and things just weren't really going my way. 

When Alan got home from meeting with our tax consultant we took the Camry over to my moms and that is when I got the call that crushed me. 

Words cannot describe how I felt. I didn't recognize the number but had a bad feeling. It ended up being my step mom Becky and she just left a short simple message saying she had some news and to call her back. My heart sank but nothing could have prepared me for what she was going to say. My brother Brady died. 

I immediately fell to the floor. I could not breathe. Luckily I was at my moms since Alan was playing virtual golf and if I was alone I don't know if I would have remembered to breathe. I was in shock. The tears were flowing out and I was gasping for air. I wanted to die. Brady was gone. 

My mom held me for a while until I was able to get off the floor and walk and I called Alan. We had Bryson for the night and since I had the car I figured I was going to have to pick up Alan. When I called him he didn't know what to do but said he would get a ride home. I should not have driven looking back now but I was in shock. I couldn't hardly breathe I kept hyperventalating and when I got home I just went into shock. I started denying it. Pretending it was some cruel joke. Why Brady? He is too good too pure. He can not be gone. Not my sweet little brother! I just saw him so alive. 

I was just saying Wednesday I can't lose anyone else...I can't lose Brady. 

So heres to today...to a reminder that life is full of surprising and to take advantage of every minute because you don't know when it will be your last. Trying to be thankful for today.